I’m taking part in the A-Z Challenge to kick start my blogging habit and today we are talking about the letter D. Tempting as it is to write about Depression, dwelling on the subject every single day in times of wellness is probably not conducive to healing myself of it! I am so focused on preventing a recurrence that I do get a bit preoccupied with the topic at times. So, not today 🙂
I have this highly amusing meme saved to my phone (source long forgotten, apologies). I’ve been a stay at home mum for almost seven years, and you’d think I’d have the Domestic Goddess thing down to a fine art by now. Not so, by a long shot. In the early childhood years, I was simply so overwhelmed that survival was my only objective. Post Natal Depression and Goddess-level domesticity do not go hand in hand in my experience (dammit the ‘D’ word rears its head regardless! Shhhhh!). Neverthless I spent an inordinate amount of time consulting FlyLady and The Organised Housewife and buying books on household management, in my quest for domestic bliss. It took me a good few years to realise that I was never going to find that elusive perfect system – what I really wanted was for someone else to do it all for me. Which was obviously never going to happen.
However, late last year I discovered the Motivated Moms app, and I’m still running on it, having customised the paid subscription to my needs. It doesn’t email me about zones nor present me with Easter craft printables, there is no complex schedule to follow, no emails to read, no quest for domestic perfection. I simply have a daily list, which must be done to keep everyone fed and in clean underwear, and prevent chaos. Chaos leads to anxiety, to which I am prone, and I’m smart to it now in this way at least. Other tasks are generated by the app, two or three a week day. Perfectly managable, no big cleaning day, no being haunted by “I really should clean the windows…” because I know Momo will tell me to one day soon. I don’t have to think about that stuff. I just do it when it tells me to, in nice managable chunks. It works for me and best of all it is customisable to my standards. My standards being, I don’t want to live in filth, but life is also too short to clean the light fittings very often (or indeed the oven, if I am to be completely honest).
Realistically, there are days when I feel like a Domestic Goddess, and there days when I do not give a rat’s ass. Hell, sometimes I feel the sentiments of the above meme multiple times in one day! The most important thing I have learned on this now rather long stay at home mum journey is that whatever mode I’m in with regard to domestic life, it will pass. I do not define myself by my homemade chicken soup, and nor by the dustballs under the beds. The Momo tagline is time for what matters most. Nowadays, that’s my domestic focus. I steadily check my boxes while listening to a nice podcast or the news, and then I get on to the stuff that really matters.
Do what you love, love what you do. Attaining Domestic Goddessicity is no longer my goal. I have let a lot of stay at home motherhood guilt slide right off me. It’s a fabulous feeling!! In the precious time alone that I have while my girls are still small, I’d rather be crocheting. And so, I shall. This morning, no cookies. I’m not feeling hateful right now, and I’m certainly not moaning – but yeah, I don’t give a fuck about the mess. It’s time to create. Domesticity can wait until this afternoon. Or maybe even tomorrow 🙂
This post is also part of the A-Z Challenge: D is for…Domesticity